The weather has significantly changed here in Sydney as we move from Summer to Autumn. Sat in a café this week I was busy rubbing my hands together to warm them up.
As my food arrived, I took a few breaths to become present and mindfully aware of eating (a new habit I’m working on!)
In doing this I slowed down enough to have the following realisation…
- My hands were cold, but they were not uncomfortable.
- It was a sensation, but it wasn’t unpleasant.
- My unconscious HABIT was “if I am cold, I must warm up” – my body was doing it on autopilot.
- I didn’t need to get rid of the feeling of them being cold.
- It was OK for them to be cold.
It was the perfect analogy…
When I first connect with clients, they are feeling unhappy about something, whether life or themselves.
Typically, they are also distracting themselves from it with super busy minds, and repeating the same thought patterns over and over again… Many of the very same thoughts that likely created the feeling in the first place.
What I have observed is the more they try to get rid of the feeling, to push it away, trying make it stop, intensely focused on “FIXING the problem” – the STRONGER its grip…
Transformation I find is far more likely (and kinder and more compassionate) if they can be ok with the feeling, become softly curious. Even ask the feeling “why are you here?”, “what would you like to share/ tell me?”.
This way we are not making the feeling ‘wrong’. The feeling itself can’t be wrong, the feeling simply IS.
The feeling is a sensation, that is here in the moment, this moment being the only ‘real life’ you get to live. As soon as we are wishing the NOW was different, “should’ing it”, then we are no longer “IN” the moment.
But no one wants to be unhappy?
It’s true that no one wants to be unhappy all the time, but it is ok to feel unhappy.
Emotions are energy in motion, they CAN pass by like clouds, if we allow ourselves to FEEL them.
Feeling the feeling allows it to stay in motion, the cloud keeps drifting and we move through the feelings. If we are desperately trying NOT to feel them, it actually stops the movement.
This isn’t a process of ‘thinking’ about the feeling, of analysing the feeling, this is about FEELING the feeling – embodying it, what does it really feel like inside your body, rather than what you think about the feeling in the mind.
Your body won’t tell you that you shouldn’t feel like this, or that so and so doesn’t feel like this, or ask why this always happens to you… that is all in your head.
Take your attention down into your body & FEEL it.
What does sadness feel like, where in your body can you feel it, is it warm or cold, squidgy, prickly, soft, hard – is it big or small.
How does your body want to BE with that feeling, does it want to be still, to breathe or perhaps movement would be helpful, add sound, yell, sob, sing.
This simple process can often allow the stuck energy to shift, change and even transmute altogether.
I would love to hear if this process works for you – let me know in the comments below.