Lauren Marshall of LJM Photography

If you are reading this blog post my website has (finally) gone LIVE. I can also share that along with that came some serious fear of being seen and heard!

When I first wrote this post, it was “Going Live” and wow, those two words brought up so much fear in me. Going Live meant putting myself out there. Going Live meant owning and honouring the study and work I have done in my life. Going live meant being real with myself, finally diving in & being in ACTION with this new job, life and passion that I adore.

Having a live website, with my face all over it, who I am, what services I can offer, how I deeply, truly know I can help is bringing up vulnerability for me and LOTS OF IT.

Why so much fear?

What I find interesting, is that my fears were greatest when considering what the people closest to me will think, my friends and family. The spiritual connection and alignment in my message is so strong and so key for me, but what will they make of it? It is a strange fear given that my coaching style and my services were not created with them in mind.

What is is about connection?

For me, life is about connection, it is something we are all seeking. Connection to ourselves, to our loved ones, our communities, to mother nature – to the whole universe. So for me, putting myself out there with a less than conventional message risks some of my connections… and this feels so vulnerable.

I know that a deeply connected life is one where vulnerability will show up, and the fears and sensitives that drive our vulnerability are often deep within, in the shadows. They are raw, tender parts of us, and are sometimes hidden so well, we can’t always make sense of why we feel vulnerable.

I also believe that part of our spiritual awakening is to know them, to allow them, to own them, accept them, embrace them & ultimately to live them. How hard it is sometimes, to believe that we will be ok…

What was holding me back?

One amazing result of coaching and my coaching studies has been identifying many of my own self-limiting patterns & beliefs. Identifying and addressing these can make us feel vulnerable but can also be incredibly freeing. To realise that these patterns are not who I am, that they don’t define me, but have long been influencing how I show up in the world, has allowed for so many positive shifts in my life.

Many different fears arose for me while I studied the BYCA coaching course , with ‘Why Me’ being a top one. This one that seemed to shift and change but came back again and again, in different and subtle ways.

Many of you will have seen Brene Brown’s TED talk on Vulnerability, if you haven’t it is well worth watching & the 20 minutes of magic that she shares. Indeed, rewatching after writing this I realise how many of my ideas and thoughts may well have been born back when I first watched this talk.

Having jumped the hurdles of ‘Why Me?’ and ‘What will they think?’ I am finally ready to put myself ‘out there’, and another hurdle appears.

Creative ‘me’ is being reborn

This new chapter of my life is again feeling confronting and I’m feeling vulnerable because I have never seen myself as a creative person, and certainly not as a writer. (I do love singing, but that’s another story <What’s Your Dream>)

Yet it has become clear to me that a big part of being in service, is sharing ideas, tools and thoughts that I believe will be helpful to others.

And the main ways to share and connect to people involves writing: blog posts, newsletters, social media, so I have decided to embrace this new creative path and hope that some of Liz Gilberts ‘Big Magic’ inspiration and creativity come to visit from time to time.

The Time is NOW

Now, as I am putting into practice what I have been taught, knowing know that I am enough and I am ready for this. I am ready to be vulnerable and be seen and heard, knowing that there are no guarantees. If I can help just ONE person improve just ONE thing in their lives, then amazing ripples of positive change will begun. My deepest wish, and one reason I am so grateful to have found this work, is that those ripples begin to make positive changes throughout the universe.

If you are feeling ready for change and would like to find out more about 1 on 1 coaching with me, click here for more information.