What’s Your Dream?

What’s Your Dream? I love that line in Pretty Women. I might be showing my age these days with a Pretty Women quote, but surely that movie is still a classic!

“What’s your dream, everyone who comes to Hollywood has a dream”, from memory the movie both starts and ends with this line.

So I’m asking you, what’s your dream?

Roberto Nickson

Let your Heart Sing

When was the last time you allowed yourself to hear the inner yearning, the inner longing, the truth of what really makes your heart sing.

As a coach, I deeply value the benefits that can be gained from coaching and have myself worked with coaches.

Interestingly, during my own coaching, I discovered an ache in my heart that was buried so deep I had no idea it was there.

One of my coaches described the heart as the land of broken dreams. It seemed likely that this ache was from my first broken dream… and my heart has been a little bit broken since I gave up on it.

The Land of Broken Dreams

My Dream, my deepest heart’s desire, since I was very young was to be a singer.

To share that publicly is super scary for me, but as I’m not making any commitments to make it happen in a ‘career change’ kind of way I’ve decided to share it here.

I also know that so much of my personal conditioning and patterns would never have allowed it to happen anyway.

One of those patterns was born of being an exuberant child, told that she was stealing the spotlight from another. Isn’t it incredible how we recall some events from childhood so clearly and others not at all.

So, it seems I have lived out a pattern to ‘hold myself back’ just a little bit. Never giving my all – but let’s put patterns and conditioning away for another day and get back to Dreams…

I LOVED to sing. In all those spare hours that existed in my teenage years I spent whole days singing along to the likes of Les Miserables, Joseph and his Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat, The Pirates of Penzance, Hair, Rent, Oklahoma – the list goes on and on. Often with a backing track of my sisters screaming out “Shut Up Jo”!

I took singing lessons, did singing exams and was in the school choirs and musicals. I even took Drama to year 12 and joined drama groups – but it became clear as I was looked over for any solo singing, that maybe, just maybe I wasn’t going to be the next Kylie Minogue (or should I more correctly say Marina Prior!).

My dream began to die… If I couldn’t be a ‘famous’ singer, or earn a living from singing, then I thought it was time to put it away. My parents sensibly recommended that I go to University (trigger ‘good girl, parent pleaser’ pattern!), even my Drama teacher suggested I wasn’t ready to audition for NIDA!

A fork and a new road

So, off I went sensibly to do a Commerce degree.

I clung desperately to singing with a few amateur musicals throughout Uni, but I didn’t give it the love, commitment and heart that it deserved and once I started working, the song in me was lost.

At some point, it was screaming to get out & I auditioned for Australian Idol! Argh! I guess I hoped they would see something in me & draw it out. I hadn’t had a singing lesson in years & all the preparation I did was an hour with a friend the day before on a big broadway number! I was chopped off at the knees with feedback along the lines of “there are serious singers here” as if I was just totally wasting their time… back in your box dream!

I began my adult life working in a big corporate and whilst I can reflect and say this was a detour from my soul’s path, I also know that without this detour I wouldn’t be where I am today.

Taking me off to London for 10 years it meant I got to see some fabulous Musicals and shows on stage. Until this recent broken dream realisation I hadn’t linked my overly emotional state at hearing the performers to something deeper than just enjoying the emotion of the song. Heck, I couldn’t even watch a movie with songs in it without being in floods of tears (did anyone else cry from beginning to end of Moana?!)

SO, back to that dream and what I’m doing about it now.

Acknowledging it and admitting it to myself has opened me up to singing again.

I can’t sing as well as I used to (YET!). I could let this fact frustrate me no end.

Reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic earlier this year I was so sad and angry with myself that I didn’t (as she did) spend time every day on the creative pursuit that I loved so much – even if it wasn’t earning me money or necessarily going anywhere.

I can make up excuses & wish that I had stuck to and learned to play the piano or taken up the guitar – but I don’t think it would have made any difference.

Singing in the shower, in the car, online singing lessons with some warm ups, I am reconnecting with my voice. My dream is being reborn as I allow my passion for singing to flow through me again. That is what I truly want, to know, feel and sense the joy I get from singing again – preferably without feeling that I’ll breakdown and cry!

My target songs for when I get that singing teacher will be Sara Bareilles ‘Brave’, Natasha Bedingfield’s ‘Unwritten’ or Alessia Cara’s ‘Wild Things’…

Although in truth I know it’ll be singing (& singing it well!) Wicked’s ‘Defying Gravity’ or Moana’s ‘How Far I’ll Go’ that will mean I’ve truly achieved my dream!

So… What’s your Dream?

Fear of being Seen and Heard

Lauren Marshall of LJM Photography http://ljmphotography.com.au

If you are reading this blog post my website has (finally) gone LIVE. I can also share that along with that came some serious fear of being seen and heard!

When I first wrote this post, it was “Going Live” and wow, those two words brought up so much fear in me. Going Live meant putting myself out there. Going Live meant owning and honouring the study and work I have done in my life. Going live meant being real with myself, finally diving in & being in ACTION with this new job, life and passion that I adore.

Having a live website, with my face all over it, who I am, what services I can offer, how I deeply, truly know I can help is bringing up vulnerability for me and LOTS OF IT.

Why so much fear?

What I find interesting, is that my fears were greatest when considering what the people closest to me will think, my friends and family. The spiritual connection and alignment in my message is so strong and so key for me, but what will they make of it? It is a strange fear given that my coaching style and my services were not created with them in mind.

What is is about connection?

For me, life is about connection, it is something we are all seeking. Connection to ourselves, to our loved ones, our communities, to mother nature – to the whole universe. So for me, putting myself out there with a less than conventional message risks some of my connections… and this feels so vulnerable.

I know that a deeply connected life is one where vulnerability will show up, and the fears and sensitives that drive our vulnerability are often deep within, in the shadows. They are raw, tender parts of us, and are sometimes hidden so well, we can’t always make sense of why we feel vulnerable.

I also believe that part of our spiritual awakening is to know them, to allow them, to own them, accept them, embrace them & ultimately to live them. How hard it is sometimes, to believe that we will be ok…

What was holding me back?

One amazing result of coaching and my coaching studies has been identifying many of my own self-limiting patterns & beliefs. Identifying and addressing these can make us feel vulnerable but can also be incredibly freeing. To realise that these patterns are not who I am, that they don’t define me, but have long been influencing how I show up in the world, has allowed for so many positive shifts in my life.

Many different fears arose for me while I studied the BYCA coaching course , with ‘Why Me’ being a top one. This one that seemed to shift and change but came back again and again, in different and subtle ways.

Many of you will have seen Brene Brown’s TED talk on Vulnerability, if you haven’t it is well worth watching & the 20 minutes of magic that she shares. Indeed, rewatching after writing this I realise how many of my ideas and thoughts may well have been born back when I first watched this talk. https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en

Having jumped the hurdles of ‘Why Me?’ and ‘What will they think?’ I am finally ready to put myself ‘out there’, and another hurdle appears.

Creative ‘me’ is being reborn

This new chapter of my life is again feeling confronting and I’m feeling vulnerable because I have never seen myself as a creative person, and certainly not as a writer. (I do love singing, but that’s another story <What’s Your Dream>)

Yet it has become clear to me that a big part of being in service, is sharing ideas, tools and thoughts that I believe will be helpful to others.

And the main ways to share and connect to people involves writing: blog posts, newsletters, social media, so I have decided to embrace this new creative path and hope that some of Liz Gilberts ‘Big Magic’ inspiration and creativity come to visit from time to time.

The Time is NOW

Now, as I am putting into practice what I have been taught, knowing know that I am enough and I am ready for this. I am ready to be vulnerable and be seen and heard, knowing that there are no guarantees. If I can help just ONE person improve just ONE thing in their lives, then amazing ripples of positive change will begun. My deepest wish, and one reason I am so grateful to have found this work, is that those ripples begin to make positive changes throughout the universe.

If you are feeling ready for change and would like to find out more about 1 on 1 coaching with me, click here for more information.